By Chandrama Anderson
E-mail Chandrama Anderson
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ... (More)
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in Silicon Valley for 15 years before becoming a therapist. My background in high-tech is helpful in understanding local couples' dynamics and the pressures of living here. I am a wife, mom, sister, friend, author, and lifelong advocate for causes I believe in (such as marriage equality). My parents are both deceased. My son graduated culinary school and is heading toward a degree in Sociology. I enjoy reading, hiking, water fitness, movies, 49ers and Stanford football, Giants baseball, and riding a tandem bike with my husband. I love the beach and mountains; nature is my place of restoration. In my work with couples, and in this blog, I combine knowledge from many fields to bring you my best ideas, tips, tools and skills, plus book and movie reviews, and musings to help you be your genuine self, find your own voice, and have a happy and healthy relationship. Don't be surprised to hear about brain research and business skills, self-soothing techniques from all walks of life, suggestions and experiments, and anything that lights my passion for couples. (Author and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Calif. Lic # MFC 45204.) (Hide)
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As a follow on to the last post, about serial relationships and the "conversation with their ex, in front of their new spouse while their kids look on soaking it all up?" I would venture to say from what I see and hear in my office it is agony for all involved.
Switching kids from one home to another is very hard on the kids. Most adults are trying to survive these verbal and situational interactions, hoping their kids don't see and hear. Of course, kids are adept at reading all the signs between their parents.
Certain parents are not good about keeping their thoughts about their X from their kids and that has to be a top priority, along with not using kids to pass messages, papers, etc.
The research shows that "blending" a family takes about seven years.
Many marriages can be saved and in fact become stronger and more intimate. Many people give up too early in the counseling process, especially after waiting too long to begin the process (average six years of problems).
Please don't confuse TV with life.