By Chandrama Anderson
E-mail Chandrama Anderson
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ... (More)
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in Silicon Valley for 15 years before becoming a therapist. My background in high-tech is helpful in understanding local couples' dynamics and the pressures of living here. I am a wife, mom, sister, friend, author, and lifelong advocate for causes I believe in (such as marriage equality). My parents are both deceased. My son graduated culinary school and is heading toward a degree in Sociology. I enjoy reading, hiking, water fitness, movies, 49ers and Stanford football, Giants baseball, and riding a tandem bike with my husband. I love the beach and mountains; nature is my place of restoration. In my work with couples, and in this blog, I combine knowledge from many fields to bring you my best ideas, tips, tools and skills, plus book and movie reviews, and musings to help you be your genuine self, find your own voice, and have a happy and healthy relationship. Don't be surprised to hear about brain research and business skills, self-soothing techniques from all walks of life, suggestions and experiments, and anything that lights my passion for couples. (Author and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Calif. Lic # MFC 45204.) (Hide)
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What would happen if we let ourselves be truly loved? Fully loved?
I believe that many would say they would love to be loved fully or are letting themselves be truly loved.
I wonder if there are pockets of resistance to being truly loved? I am thinking of things like: Can I love back fully? Do I see parts of myself mirrored back that may be scary? How come this person loves me when I know I have issues? What do I do when/if these arise?
What feelings come up when we think of being truly loved? Joy? Fear? Happiness? Pain? Belonging? Trust (can I trust this love, my beloved)?
Do old feelings from childhood sneak up on us? Am I lovable? Am I enough? Am I heard? Am I valuable? Am I understood? Am I seen?
Do feelings and memories from our first love come back? What was your first love relationship like? What went well? What didn't? What about subsequent relationships?
Most of us have baggage. It's how we carry it and what we do with it that makes all the difference. Is it a battered old suitcase or backpack that covers our heart? Is it hidden in our body somewhere, so that when we are touched in mind, body, or spirit, we react? Is it hidden in a closet, and comes out at unexpected times?
I just read the idea in a novel that our heart can break from love, from new experiences, from beauty, and there is a jewel in there, waiting to shine.
We can be truly loved. And at some point, we likely have to face our issues of self-love to let the beloved in fully, and love back truly.
I know I have had to do this work to let myself be loved truly by my husband.