I have a small collection of wrist watches, about 7 or 8, that all needed batteries. I used to have windup watches but I don't anymore. I took all of my watches to Heller Jewelers on Thursday to have the batteries replaced. I picked them up yesterday.

I have two Coach Watches that needed batteries, and two more Coach Watches that don't need batteries yet. I love Coach ? shoes, bags, and watches. That's my one designer indulgence. Coach is one of the cheapest designer brands, with most of their watches selling for a little over $100 on their outlet website.

Heller sells Rolexes and Tag Heuer watches, which are a lot pricier than Coach. I have no interest in spending thousands of dollars on a watch to impress other people. My most expensive watch is a Heuer, not Tag Heuer, but a plain Heuer before they married Tag. I bought it at Feldmar Jewelers in Los Angeles when I was living in Culver City.

I checked online and Feldmar is still in business selling Tag Heuer watches. My original Heuer watch cost about $300. Feldmar gave me a substantial discount, so it probably had a higher list price. List prices on jewelry and watches are highly inflated and almost always discounted. Never pay list prices on these things.

My original Heuer watch was stolen from my house along with my guns and a handful of Swatch watches. That's when Swatch was very big. I don't see them around much anymore.

I didn't replace the Swatch watches, but I did go back to Feldmar and buy another Heuer exactly like the one that was stolen and for the exact same price. I don't remember if I got reimbursed by my insurance company, but that may have been within the deductible.

I bought a Heuer Chronograph from Fedlmar for my oldest nephew's Bar Mitzvah. It cost $165. That was in 1984, the year before Tag bought Heuer. It had all kinds of buttons and dials and took my nephew awhile to figure out how it worked. He's 43 and married with three children now. Wow time flies.

That reminds me of an old joke we used to tell as kids. "Why did the moron throw the clock out the window?" Answer "He wanted to see time fly."

"Moron" jokes were very popular when I was a child 64 years ago. They were not intended to denigrate anyone with learning disabilities. A "Moron" was an imaginary character dumber than the 8 year old kid telling the jokes.

"Why did the Moron put the TV on the stove?" "He wanted to see Arthur God-fry." Fortunately I can't remember any more of these, so I'll leave it up to my readers to add more "moron" jokes, but no Polish jokes.

Back then "Polish" was often used instead of "Moron." I never understood why Polish people were supposed to be stupid. According to Wikipedia Polish jokes were started by the Nazi's after invading Poland. No wonder I don't like Polish jokes.