By Chandrama Anderson
E-mail Chandrama Anderson
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ... (More)
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in Silicon Valley for 15 years before becoming a therapist. My background in high-tech is helpful in understanding local couples' dynamics and the pressures of living here. I am a wife, mom, sister, friend, author, and lifelong advocate for causes I believe in (such as marriage equality). My parents are both deceased. My son graduated culinary school and is heading toward a degree in Sociology. I enjoy reading, hiking, water fitness, movies, 49ers and Stanford football, Giants baseball, and riding a tandem bike with my husband. I love the beach and mountains; nature is my place of restoration. In my work with couples, and in this blog, I combine knowledge from many fields to bring you my best ideas, tips, tools and skills, plus book and movie reviews, and musings to help you be your genuine self, find your own voice, and have a happy and healthy relationship. Don't be surprised to hear about brain research and business skills, self-soothing techniques from all walks of life, suggestions and experiments, and anything that lights my passion for couples. (Author and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Calif. Lic # MFC 45204.) (Hide)
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According to research by Dr. John Gottman, who runs the "Love Lab" in Seattle, most couples wait an average of six years from the time they sense issues in their relationship before they seek help! Yikes! Who would wait that long before taking their car in to the shop?
By the time couples get to marriage counseling there are three basic scenarios:
1. Both people want to stay in the marriage and work through their issues.
2. One or both partners are not sure whether they want to stay together.
3. One person wants a "safe" place to tell their partner the marriage is over.
The question truly is not "if" you need couples therapy, but "when." Life has a way of throwing you curveballs. If you've been practicing dealing with them together, you stand a much better chance of staying together, happily.
Good marriage counseling can be for working out deeply seated problems, to going in for a tune-up or "detailing," or for anything in between. What are the top things couples struggle with? Sex, money and power.
Having an existing relationship with a marriage counselor is a good idea so you know who to call when you need one. For your sake, for your partner's sake (and your kids if you have any), please take care of your marriage before its muffler is dragging.
There are some great books for marriage maintenance, too. You can see the list on my website: www.connect2.us.com