By Chandrama Anderson
E-mail Chandrama Anderson
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ... (More)
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in Silicon Valley for 15 years before becoming a therapist. My background in high-tech is helpful in understanding local couples' dynamics and the pressures of living here. I am a wife, mom, sister, friend, author, and lifelong advocate for causes I believe in (such as marriage equality). My parents are both deceased. My son graduated culinary school and is heading toward a degree in Sociology. I enjoy reading, hiking, water fitness, movies, 49ers and Stanford football, Giants baseball, and riding a tandem bike with my husband. I love the beach and mountains; nature is my place of restoration. In my work with couples, and in this blog, I combine knowledge from many fields to bring you my best ideas, tips, tools and skills, plus book and movie reviews, and musings to help you be your genuine self, find your own voice, and have a happy and healthy relationship. Don't be surprised to hear about brain research and business skills, self-soothing techniques from all walks of life, suggestions and experiments, and anything that lights my passion for couples. (Author and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Calif. Lic # MFC 45204.) (Hide)
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When you embark on your day, many of you either consciously or by habit, get focused on what lies ahead. You think about what you need to do and how you will navigate your day by bringing your best Self to the table. I'd like to propose an experiment in which you do that When You Get Home in addition to when you leave the house (if you work outside the home).
You can choose to bring your best intentions to be successful, kind, respectful, a good listener, and follow through on your responsibilities AT HOME! Perhaps, too often, you give work your best, and in this culture you often give your kids your best. And then many of you fall off the cliff when it comes to bringing your best Self to your relationship.
For now, don't worry about whether your partner is doing the same; you can only be responsible for your own behavior. What makes your partner feel most loved? What adds to both of you feeling a secure connection, that your partner:
-has your back
-seeks comfort from you
-seeks sex from you
-helps create a home that is a haven for both of you
Maybe you need to put a sticky note, or a talisman by your front door to remind you of your intention to bring your best self home.
It takes 21 days to create a habit. Let me know how this experiment goes.