Premarital and Couples: Check Your Best Self at the Door | Couple's Net | Chandrama Anderson | DanvilleSanRamon.com |

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By Chandrama Anderson

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About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ...  (More)

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Premarital and Couples: Check Your Best Self at the Door

Uploaded: Aug 9, 2019
When you embark on your day, many of you either consciously or by habit, get focused on what lies ahead.  You think about what you need to do and how you will navigate your day by bringing your best Self to the table. I'd like to propose an experiment in which you do that When You Get Home in addition to when you leave the house (if you work outside the home).

You can choose to bring your best intentions to be successful, kind, respectful, a good listener, and follow through on your responsibilities AT HOME! Perhaps, too often, you give work your best, and in this culture you often give your kids your best. And then many of you fall off the cliff when it comes to bringing your best Self to your relationship.

For now, don't worry about whether your partner is doing the same; you can only be responsible for your own behavior.  What makes your partner feel most loved? What adds to both of you feeling a secure connection, that your partner:

-has your back
-seeks comfort from you
-seeks sex from you
-helps create a home that is a haven for both of you

Maybe you need to put a sticky note, or a talisman by your front door to remind you of your intention to bring your best self home.

It takes 21 days to create a habit. Let me know how this experiment goes.
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