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By Chandrama Anderson

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About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ...  (More)

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People and Relationships Never Stop Being a Work in Progress

Uploaded: Dec 3, 2022
It’s really true that we are all works in progress. Fortunately, your brain can continue to create new neural pathways until you die. Often you’ll hear “People don’t change.” And if you stagnate, or are content to go along with whatever is happening in your life now, you won’t change--much. People are regulated by the people they spend time with. Picking up words and phrases of the people that you are surrounded by is an example of neural regulation.

Also fortunately, you do have the choice to keep growing, to become your better and better self (notice I didn’t say ‘Best’ because there’s already too much striving for perfection in Silicon Valley).

Think about what is working for you in your life, and what isn’t. Admit that you are a work in progress; it will make it much easier to seek change, learn new tools, skills, and to educate yourself. Do you want a better marriage? Better relationship with your kids? Your boss? Co-workers? Friends? Family? I hope so.

People spend a lot of time trying to present themselves a certain way, to look as though they’ve got everything together. Yet we’re all human, and we have challenges. I’ve worked on patience my whole adult life. I’m much better at it now. Is there still room to improve? Absolutely. So I keep at it.

Most people don’t change until the pain of staying the same is greater than the fear of change. Perhaps just acknowledging that may free you up enough to make changes by choice; without waiting for the pain to become overwhelming. It’s a longer way back to health if you wait.

My goal in sharing this is to give you hope. Hope for yourself, for your marriage and relationships, hope for humanity. We need hope. We also need action. Take action to have healthier, better relationships. Be kind to yourself. Be kind to others.
What is it worth to you?


Posted by ElaineB, a resident of Duveneck/St. Francis,
on Dec 3, 2022 at 9:58 pm

ElaineB is a registered user.

Lovely blog. Thank you.

Posted by Paul L. Flores, a resident of Esther Clark Park,
on Dec 6, 2022 at 3:07 am

Paul L. Flores is a registered user.

"Never idealize others. They will never live up to your expectations. Don't over-analyze your relationships. Stop playing games. A growing relationship can only be nurtured by genuineness."

Posted by BarbaraS, a resident of another community,
on Dec 8, 2022 at 1:45 pm

BarbaraS is a registered user.

Wise words and encouragement to be brave with our lives.

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