“Right” Way vs. What You Grew Up With | Couple's Net | Chandrama Anderson | DanvilleSanRamon.com |

Local Blogs

Couple's Net

By Chandrama Anderson

E-mail Chandrama Anderson

About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ...  (More)

View all posts from Chandrama Anderson

“Right” Way vs. What You Grew Up With

Uploaded: Dec 17, 2022
I’ve written about whether you want to be “Right” or whether you want to be happy. This is a twist from there.

Most people instinctively think and believe that what they grew up with is the “Right” way, without examining the source of that “Rightness.”

Here’s a simple example that hopefully you will extrapolate from: However your family decorated your Christmas Tree, if you had one (which BTW is an old pagan ritual*), you come into adulthood believing that it’s the “Right” way. However, the truth is that it’s your family’s way.

So many thoughts/beliefs are actually from your Family of Origin (FOO). They are not “Right.” They are simply what is normal to you. Most of that is set by the time you’re a teenager.

So what happens when you come together with a partner, and you bring together two wildly different versions of “Right (which is just your FOO's normal)?”

Hopefully the answer is that your new normal is a collaboration of your two FOO ways. If that’s not the case, do you want your teenage self making your life decisions now?

I’d love for you to start noticing, witnessing, and/or questioning everything you think/believe is “Right.” And please let us know what you come up with.



* Christmas trees did begin as a pagan tradition as early as the fourth century C.E., according to ABC News. European pagans were largely responsible for dressing their homes with the branches of evergreen fir trees in order to bring color and light into their dull winters. But pagans weren't the only people to do this. Romans also used the branches for decoration during the festival of Saturnalia, which took place from December 17 to December 23 in honor of the God Saturn.
Community.
What is it worth to you?

Comments

There are no comments yet for this post

Follow this blogger.
Sign up to be notified of new posts by this blogger.

Email:

SUBMIT

Post a comment

In order to encourage respectful and thoughtful discussion, commenting on stories is available to those who are registered users. If you are already a registered user and the commenting form is not below, you need to log in. If you are not registered, you can do so here.

Please make sure your comments are truthful, on-topic and do not disrespect another poster. Don't be snarky or belittling. All postings are subject to our TERMS OF USE, and may be deleted if deemed inappropriate by our staff.

See our announcement about requiring registration for commenting.

Stay informed.

Get the day's top headlines from DanvilleSanRamon.com sent to your inbox in the Express newsletter.

Doing more with the natural spaces we have
By Sherry Listgarten | 3 comments | 1,840 views

Feds retreat quickly from natural gas ban, not so California
By Tim Hunt | 5 comments | 1,103 views

Now we're cooking with gas
By Monith Ilavarasan | 6 comments | 1,076 views

“ . . . We have no way of knowing when our time is up . . .”
By Chandrama Anderson | 1 comment | 1,035 views

Becoming a Dental Specialist
By Elizabeth LaScala | 0 comments | 757 views