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By Chandrama Anderson

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About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ...  (More)

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Couples New Year Resolutions (Including Sexually)

Uploaded: Dec 31, 2022
We will:
- Prioritize our partner/relationship/marriage over everything:
• Doing so will create a secure foundation and roof over the head of your kids. You are 1.0 priority, your kids are 1.1.
• I believe you can make your partner your top priority without harming your career. I know you will actually work better and smarter when you are happy at home.

- Be kind:
• To myself (this includes how you speak to yourself, treat yourself, and respond to your multi-faceted self and your feelings, needs, and wants).
• To my partner (with my words, tone of voice, actions, and behaviors).

- Improve our sex life:
• I will initiate sex in addition to responding when my partner initiates sex.
• I will go outside my comfort zone with my trusted partner who loves me and respects my boundaries.
• I will try a variety of sex toys.
• I will talk about sex with my partner, even if it’s embarrassing, nerve-racking, uncomfortable, or previously taboo.
• I will have sex without waiting for my libido (your mind is your most important sex tool). I won’t have sex out of duty to my partner. I will have sex because it’s good for me physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Plus, orgasms are fantastic. (If your sex life isn’t what you want/need it to be, get better at it; seek out resources.)

- Talk:
• We will talk about the hard stuff: sex, money, and power-and maybe the toughest, my feelings.
• Everyday. Often.
• We will make it normal to talk to each other.
• No more sweeping things under the rug.

- Have fun:
• We will do the things that we used to do when we were dating.
• We will take turns planning a fun activity. Take pressure off yourself by not worrying if your partner will like the date. Make it something you enjoy, and next week, s/he’ll make sure it’s fun for her/him.
• Play. Let go of being serious at least part of the time.

- Make plans:
• For your future.
• For your retirement (most people spend more time planning vacations than they do planning retirement).
• To work on your relationship daily, weekly, monthly, annually, into forever.
• To help others.
• Make sure you have a trust, medical and financial powers of attorney.

We get good at what we practice. Make sure you’re getting better at being a partner (and don’t be too much of a pain in the ass). Remember the Gottman rule: 5:1 which means five good interactions to every one poor interaction.

Be good enough, not perfect.

Please modify to fit your relationship. Please don’t lose the gist of these, though.
Democracy.
What is it worth to you?

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