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Dr. John Gottman is best known for the extensive couples research he’s conducted over many years at his institute in Seattle — fondly known as the "Love Lab." Dr. Gottman’s research reveals that contentment in a marriage is based on a solid friendship. Although Gottman doesn’t use the same terminology, his work supports the overall theme of secure attachment that I often write about in my Couple’s Blog.
In his book, and the DVD of a couple’s workshop, Gottman clearly spells out the seven principles, provides exercises, check lists, and so on. He dispels myths, and in a very accessible way, spells out a path to a loving and passionate relationship. His research shows that as long as couples have five positive/productive interactions to counteract one poor interaction, the relationship will last.
They are:
1. Enhance your love maps
2. Nurture your fondness and admiration
3. Turn toward each other instead of away
4. Let your partner influence you
5. Solve your solvable problems
6. Overcome gridlock
7. Create shared meaning
The book is available everywhere; the DVD workshop, The Art and Science of Love, is only available at his website: http://www.gottmaninstitute.org The series is 5 DVDs and a workbook. There are lecture portions for you to watch, and then do the corresponding exercises.
Gottman’s work is especially good for couples that fight a lot. For couples that don’t fight much, you might feel that you can’t relate to the problem-solving principles. However, the first four principles provide a great foundation for your couple, and the last principle focuses on creating shared meaning.
This is definitely worth your reading/watching/working time.
