I cried in my car on the way back to Danville. When I reached home I hugged my precious children very tightly and thanked God for my many blessings.
I was invited to a Christmas party in a home in San Ramon in early November. When I arrived that evening I was greeted at the front porch by carolers softly singing tunes of hope and love. The threshold of the front door was donned with a basket overflowing with shoes of all colors and sizes. I peered inside the dimly lit home while removing my shoes to add to the pile.
The warmth of the room was inviting. An abundance of friends and loved ones shuffled around in hushed voices. A decked tree stood tall in the corner, shining with lights that resembled sparkling jewels. The flickering of candle flame shadows danced on the walls.
Vindy approached me, wearing a colorful gown of India. Her sweet and honest smile told me that she was troubled. She took my hand and led me to the sofa, where I looked down and saw her daughter, Sriya. This frail and lovely girl of 3 years was wrapped tightly around her daddy Raj. When I saw Sriya, I knew I was meant to be here. Sriya’s beautiful body had protruding fluid-filled lumps on her hairless head. Tubes were wrapped around her tummy and her puffy feet looked as they were crying in pain.
The pain that touched me intensely was that of Vindy and Raj. Their high spirited and soulful child was dying of a rare form of childhood cancer. Only weeks ago, Sriya had been blissfully dancing on the playground, blowing bubbles in the breeze and giggling, and singing lullabies to her teddy bears at tea time. Now she would let out soft whimpers and cries of frustration as she laid her head on her daddy’s chest.
I glanced around at all the wonderful neighbors, family and co-workers in the room, giving gifts of love and support to this family striving for hope. This celebration for Sriya and her family touched my heart so much that it began to hurt. I swallowed hard and sat down next to Raj, Sriya and Vindy to take their portrait, to capture these last moments of them together as a family, as it was suspected that Sriya’s journey in life would be cut short and she would not make it until Christmas. This vulnerable soul that clung so tightly around her father for comfort peered at me through her tender hands. I quickly captured a look that said it all.
I was told that Sriya was once a very strong outspoken, loving girl, and, indeed, her lively spirit shone through her eyes and into mine. I was worried that the flash from my camera might bother her eyes and I knew I needed to work quickly. Vindy, who sat on the other side of Raj and their daughter was motioned away by Sriya as today was daddy’s chosen day. Only a mother could understand that this was not a personal rejection, only a sign of discomfort and pain that Sriya felt in her own body. Every now and then Sriya would gasp and demand that her father get up and sway to comfort her with the rhythm and motion. As I continued to capture these moments of this tender reality, I discovered even more emotion through my lens: Love, agony and defeat of these last days were upon them all. Sriya soon had enough of my flash and swatted her hand my way. Respecting her wishes, I put my camera away for the evening.
I felt blessed that I was able to be a part of this unbelievable experience. A blessing of thankfulness for my children, a blessing of gratitude for my own life. A feeling that has overwhelmed my heart enough that I needed to share this special experience. Thank you Raj, Vindy and Sriya, for inviting me into your hearts. And I am thankful that I was chosen to be the one to capture these beautiful souls through my lens.
Epilogue: Sriya took her last breath at 2:45 p.m., Tuesday, Nov. 22.
“Our beautiful journey with our most precious daughter ended yesterday and she took with her all our hopes, dream and our hearts.”
-Vindy Durga
To follow Vindy’s journal of Sriya’s condition, visit http://www2.caringbridge.org/ca/sriya/index.htm.
About the disease
Rabhdomyosarcoma is a rare, very aggressive childhood cancer. About 250-350 children in the United States are diagnosed with it each year, about 4 in 1 million.
I always thought of Sriya as ‘One in a Million’ and, well, she came really close, in a different way though.
-Vindy Durga
