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“Cancer changes some things, of that there is no doubt. And, some things it takes away. Yet, at the same time, cancer can give.”
That’s one of the life lessons former Pleasanton resident Ray Hartjen has learned from his battle with blood cancer — and among the many he is sharing in his new book, “Me, Myself & My Multiple Myeloma”.
“First, I want people — patients, caregivers, and allies — to know they’re not alone. Knowing I’m not alone makes a difference to me,” the writer, musician and marketer told me in a recent email interview. “I also want readers to know that their lives are theirs for the living.”
“For me, my cancer diagnosis gave me clarity on the perils of taking too much for granted. For me, personally, I had lived my life taking time for granted, and that led me to taking people and relationships for granted,” Hartjen said, adding:
“My cancer diagnosis snapped me out of that, awoke me. And while I still have room for improvement, I’m a lot better in being present, living for the moment, and doing the things that matter most to be with the people that matter most to me.”
Hartjen first reached out to me in June after coming across the column I wrote back in January about the retirement of Sandra J. Wing and the closing of her namesake nonprofit that provided grants to Tri-Valley patients for complementary therapies to help alleviate side effects of their cancer treatments.
Patients like him.
As he faced issues like rashes, insomnia, fatigue and digestive distress, courtesy of Wing’s foundation Hartjen tried therapies like acupuncture and acupressure that just helped him feel better, if even for fleeting moments during the appointment. “And, feeling better goes a long way to a patient’s overall health.”
But it was the impact of actually meeting Wing, a living, breathing, thriving cancer survivor, that changed Hartjen’s life forever.
“You know, it’s funny, when I was first exposed to the Sandra J. Wing Foundation, I thought it was a memorial foundation. That was where my head was at the time of my diagnosis. Cancer was scary,” he told me when we interviewed several weeks ago, leading into Blood Cancer Awareness Month. “I was invited to a foundation get-together at a house in Pleasanton, and there I was introduced to Gracie, Sandra’s partner, and she pointed out Sandra herself, standing just a few feet away from me.”
“That moment opened a window for me, another in my fight against cancer. A cancer diagnosis is not the end. Rather, it’s the beginning of a ‘new normal,’ he said. “That one moment was a sort of litmus test for me. What did I want to do about my cancer diagnosis? Who did I want to be? Sandra and her foundation helped me reframe my approach to fighting cancer and, in turn, living.”
That mentality has driven Hartjen for nearly five years and counting — and was a major reason he decided “to share my story as a cancer patient, particularly a multiple myeloma patient, more broadly, to a bigger audience, hoping to be of service to my newfound community.”
“However, I didn’t want to write a ‘cancer book’. Rather, I wanted to write a book about living and thriving. I wanted to produce a resource that spoke to hope,” he said. “I think ‘Me, Myself & My Multiple Myeloma’ covers that ground, and it’s a book of which I’m proud.”
Hartjen and wife Lori lived in Pleasanton for nearly 25 years, raising their children Olivia and Raymond here. The couple moved to Mission Viejo in April to be closer to their daughter.
As for his cancer, Hartjen told me, “Earlier this year, my multiple myeloma progressed, which was expected. It’s an incurable disease, at least at this moment in time, and I have an aggressive form of it. Following my November 2019 stem cell transplant, I had enjoyed a nice four-plus years of maintenance treatments that included a biweekly infusion and daily pills.”
“In March, my blood tests showed that the efficacy of my maintenance treatments was waning and that I need to advance into another line of treatment,” he added. “Currently, I’m on a treatment plan that has me getting infusions three out of four weeks. My numbers are trending in the right direction, so it seems it’s working. We’ll know more later in the year.”
During this time, Hartjen also celebrated the release of his book by Morgan James Publishing in July. He has pledged his net writer’s proceeds to the Multiple Myeloma Research Foundation and encourages people to consider donating directly to the cause themselves.
More information can be found at rayhartjen.com. The website shares more about Hartjen’s life, touts his other book, “Immaculate: How the Steelers Saved Pittsburgh” (co-authored with Tom O’Lenic), and features his musings on cancer, publishing, sports and music – although you’ll have to forgive the unfortunate timing of his Aug. 30 blog, “Why I Love Dave Grohl”.
His website, his memoir and just his words in conversation really reflect his inspiring mindset to life with cancer:
“The day, today, is a gift. Not everyone received that gift. So, what are we going to do to honor them, to honor the day, and to honor ourselves? Live! If not now, when? #PunchTodayInTheFace.”
Editor’s note: Jeremy Walsh is the editorial director for the Embarcadero Media Foundation’s East Bay Division. His “What a Week” column is a recurring feature in the Pleasanton Weekly, Livermore Vine and DanvilleSanRamon.com.
