The malignant tumor attacked his face, and his surgeon thought about removing his right eye.
Horrified, Terry Healey, 21, wanted to keep his eye and hoped his handsome features, which made him popular with the girls, would be saved from Fibrosarcoma.
But it was inevitable. His life of appearances had ended. And his journey to within had begun.
After 25 reconstructive surgeries and wide press coverage of his struggles dealing with a disfigured face, Healey has spent the past few years rewriting his book, “At Face Value: My Triumph Over a Disfiguring Cancer.”
“There was a lot of growth in the past two to three years,” he said.
He hoped that it would give others the knowledge and wisdom to handle adversity.
“It’s very rewarding dealing with challenges everyday,” said the Alamo resident.
The new additions to the book, he said, included the importance of forgiveness and trust to heal from emotional scars.
He said he had thought some of his friends abandoned him when he was helpless. However, he later realized they didn’t necessarily leave him because of his looks but they may have had other priorities in their lives. He needed to forgive them.
“It’s not so easy because we are so busy,” Healey said. “Their lives get complicated.”
“We all make mistakes,” he said. “There are reasons why people do what they do. I need to forgive people.”
He added that trusting other people, such as his family and women who saw his beauty despite his physical appearance, helped win back his self-confidence.
“Trust is critical to being successful,” he said.
Healey, who works as a technology marketing strategy consultant, continues to give motivational and educational speeches about his challenges to business clientele and other communities throughout the Bay Area, such as schools.
His book talks about how his early high school and college years at UC Berkeley were based on appearances, and details the dramatic changes in his perspective when he was battling a cancer in his face.
Growing up in Walnut Creek was mostly a breeze, Healey said. At Las Lomas High School, he ran track and cross country and played basketball. Also, his good looks and outgoing personality convinced his peers to make him homecoming prince. Dating women was easy for him, he said.
“I didn’t stress over anything,” he said. “I achieved what I wanted. My experience with the opposite sex was easy.”
At the time, his life was based on appearances, and he didn’t have much of an identity otherwise.
“Identity is the way you look,” he said.
Additionally, he had strong bonds with his parents and brothers, he said. And his Roman Catholic upbringing helped bring him guidance and faith.
At UC Berkeley, he joined a fraternity and soon became its president. He partied, drank and performed decently in his academics.
His success at dating women continued.
“It wasn’t challenging,” Healey recalled.
His dates were based mostly on physical attraction. He dated a girl named Marilyn, a graduate student double-majoring in psychology and economics, and recalled being attracted mainly to her physical appearance. She had heavy dark eyebrows, long thick hair and a great smile.
“She was beautiful,” he said. “But she was way beyond me. I was cruising through this.”
His easy life came to a halt when he realized there was a lingering blemish on his nose. He went through sessions with his doctor, and the early diagnosis was that he had a form of cancer on his face. His doctor said he wanted to consult with cancer specialists about his condition.
“I was shocked,” Healey recalled. “I thought I was invincible.”
Nonetheless, his doctor said he caught his cancer early, and it was treatable. So Healey continued walking at an easy pace, but he reflected a lot more.
“I wasn’t concerned about my prospects,” he said. “(But) I was much more serious about life. I had to cherish it with all that I had. I had to enjoy the ride.”
“I could die,” he added. “It woke me up to all the important things.”
However, his cancer continued to grow and bother him.
“It was a hard mass,” he said. “There was a tingly sense. It was like ants crawling in my skin.”
His doctor diagnosed him with cancer, and Healey needed surgery to remove it. He went to UCSF Medical Center for the surgery.
“That was the kiss of death,” he said. “It was pretty shocking. I’m facing death … I’m never going to look the same.”
Healey’s surgeon promised him that he would look “streetable.”
But after surgery, his face was disfigured.
“It was pretty horrific,” he said. “I felt like an elephant man.”
What he feared most was the reaction he would get from people outside of his family, especially women. After surgery, he was unable to date with women with ease.
“‘What in the hell happened to you?'” one woman asked him when he was working in a law firm in San Francisco.
“‘I had cancer,'” he begrudgingly told her. “‘But I’m fine.'”
He recalled another experience where he and two friends ate at a diner and saw a waitress who went to his high school. He said the girl had had a crush on him in the past, but when she saw him, she said: “Oh, my God!” And she went the other way.
Many women would look at him in shock, and others would often run away or look scared when he walked toward them.
He would get very emotional and angry and shout back at people who asked him “what happened to you?” or those who would behave maliciously toward him. His confidence was shattered, and he soon fell into a state of hopelessness.
Healey went through a series of surgeries to reconstruct his face. But he still felt insecure and suffered from scars – within.
“I felt so crappy about myself,” he recalled. “I had no confidence, no self-esteem. It was a long spell where I didn’t go out with anybody.”
Nonetheless, Healey continued to reflect.
While at a hospital, he met a journalist named Dina. The two hit it off and engaged in long conversations in the waiting room. He said the two drank a bottle of wine at the hospital.
He also was getting support from a group of people who were facing similar issues. And his parents and three brothers, compassion from his nurses and his faith in God got him through the tough times.
“You can’t get through anything alone,” he said.
Soon, he began to trust and his emotional wounds started to heal.
“There’s really nothing wrong with me,” he said.
But Dina broke up with him. He became devastated. He said she broke off their relationship because she had to keep reassuring him about his insecurities – not because of his looks.
This was a major event, he said, because it forced him to look even deeper inside himself and realize, “I had to accept who I was.”
Though his heart was broken, his breakup with Dina was one of the major turning points of his life.
Later on, he met a girl named Sue at Perry’s in San Francisco when he was with his buddies. Sue was also with her friends, and they were looking for a bar in town. Healey – who was intentionally hitting on her – chimed in and suggested they go to the Silhouettes club because it had a mature crowd.
They followed his suggestion and went to Silhouettes. Shortly after, Healey told his friends that he wanted to go there, too, and he met up with Sue. He got to know her, and both realized there was chemistry between them.
They connected and talked about everything, he said. They married after dating for two years.
Healey said Sue saw his beauty beyond his face.
“Beauty is the most individual thing,” Sue said. “What’s ugly to (others) is beautiful to some. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.”
“I appreciate his unique character,” she added.
“People will never forget your face,” she told her husband.
About Terry Healey
Terry Healey has been published in the Guideposts Magazine, Psychology Today and Coping Magazine. He is also a contributing author of “Make Your Own Miracle: Surviving Cancer,” released in November 2004 and a contributing author of “Open My Eyes, Open My Soul,” released in December 2003.
He is an honorary member of the board of directors for The Cancer League Inc. Healey is also a general partner in a sales and product strategy consulting firm called Iron Horse Ventures.
Healey recently appeared on ABC’s Sunday on Seven with Cheryl Jennings, Total Living TV Network with Jerry Rose, KTVU/Fox 2 Mornings on 2 with Ross McGowan, and has also appeared on more than 30 radio stations across the country.
As a professional speaker, Healey makes presentations to corporate sales professionals, medical professionals and students.
For more information, visit www.terryhealey.com.
