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Caregivers: Care for yourself, too.
That is the advice offered by Rita Altman, senior vice president of Sunrise Senior Living, which provides homes and care for seniors in Pleasanton and other locations.
“I recommend caregivers doing something for themselves every single day that makes them feel good,” Altman says on a podcast at TheSeniorCaregiver.com.
“It might feel like you have very little time in the day … but trying to find at least a little time every day to nurture your own spirit is really important.”
This might mean making a declarative statement to others involved in the caregiving, such as: “I’m going to a movie.”
“Put it out there, say you’re going to do it, and then do it,” Altman says. “Very often you need to ask for someone’s help or say ‘yes’ when someone does offer that help.”
This is not selfish, she notes; it is necessary to be in good shape to take care of someone else.
“You can’t take care of others if you don’t take care of yourselves,” she says.
In last month’s Pleasanton newsletter, Sunrise included four ways to help manage caregiver stress:
1. Develop healthy sleep habits. Caregivers often deal with insomnia. Keep a consistent sleep schedule; have no electronics in the bedroom; and avoid exercising, eating heavy meals, and drinking alcohol at least two hours before bedtime.
2. Limit caffeine intake. Caffeine can make stress worse although it may be tempting to reach for that caffeinated drink when tired. Only drink one or two caffeinated beverages a day.
3. Ask for and accept help. The reality is that no one can do it all, and taking regular breaks makes one a better caregiver. If there is no one who can pitch in, it might be worthwhile to explore respite care services.
4. Practice mindfulness. Slow down and do deep breathing exercises; try yoga or Pilates.
Sunrise also recognizes that some caregivers may not be able to live near their loved ones undergoing declining health or memory loss. This month, it published four tips on how to be an effective long-distance caregiver.
1. Get organized. Create a system for managing healthcare information including medical history, medications, contact information for local family members, doctors, pharmacies, allergies and an appointment schedule.
2. Build local support. Take time to meet your loved one’s friends, neighbors and healthcare providers. Exchange contact information with everyone.
3. Stay in touch. Use video chats to talk face-to-face with your loved ones. If that is not possible, let them hear your voice on telephone calls.
4. Make the most of personal visits. Plan ahead for visits so you can accomplish necessary tasks. But be sure to leave time for meals together, talking or just being together.
Altman noted that one person in a family usually emerges as the primary caregiver, and it is important for all family members to be honest with each other and keep open the lines of communication so the primary caregiver does not become overwhelmed.
“Sometimes they just need more time on a phone call,” Altman says. “Explore ways to help.”
“Great ideas happen in support groups,” she adds. “You commiserate with each other and people talk about what they did about something.”
A big role reversal happens when offspring become the caregivers, Altman also notes.
“It can be a challenging situation for any caregiver,” she says, which may lead to hiring round-the-clock care.
But relatives still play an important role in their loved one’s life even if they are not the primary caregivers.
“They are not as focused on day-to-day physical care and can focus on fun tasks,” Altman says.
Even as people experience memory loss, they still may be able to share something from their lives, perhaps from long ago, she explains.
“We must remember there is so much they still have,” she says. “At Sunrise what gets so often talked about is those nuggets of wisdom that people with advanced memory loss still share.”
Remember that loved ones with memory loss or other aging problems are not acting as they are on purpose or with a hidden agenda, she says.
“None of the behaviors are intentional,” Altman says. “Accept this as a day-to-day journey and do all you can to live in the moment with that person.”
