Like several other Danville residents, Sally Hirst recently lost a loved one to suicide. Hirst’s close friend Connie Buckman shocked her friends and family when she took her own life in May.
“She was vivacious, outgoing and bubbly, not at all someone you would envision to take their own life,” Hirst said.
Sadly, the people closest to the victims are often in the dark about their suicidal tendencies. Loved ones might know something is wrong but don’t expect suicide is an option, Hirst said. With hopes of preventing tragedy like this from happening to others, she decided to take action.
Tomorrow she will walk 20 miles with Connie’s widower Mark Buckman as part of the Out of the Darkness Suicide Prevention Walk in San Francisco. The walk raises money to fund suicide education, awareness and research and will begin at sunset and end at sunrise.
“Suicide cuts across all ages, socioeconomic status and ethnicity,” said Wylie Tene, public relations manager for the walk.
Kim Bass of Danville will also participate in the walk in memory of her father, who drowned himself in October; Karen Chreston of Danville will be there in remembrance of her brother who committed suicide two years ago.
“Suicide is completely preventable and therein lies the tragedy,” Chreston said.
The $1.35 million raised in Chicago at last year’s walk funded suicide prevention videos, research on depression and other suicide-related illness, and training for recovery program facilitators, among other efforts. Tene said recognizing the signs and having an open dialogue about depression and suicide makes a world of difference.
“If I had been more aware, maybe I could have done something,” Chreston said.
Depression and bipolar disorder, the most common conditions related to suicide, are both highly treatable, using therapy and medication. In fact, 80 to 90 percent of people who seek help for bipolar disorder can be effectively treated, according to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.
Peak suicide rates for women fall between the ages of 40 and 54, the age group Connie was in.
“You don’t realize you will run out of opportunities to help someone,” Hirst said.
Hirst said Connie had a history of depression and she took anti-depressants and pain pills for her back pain. These factors, combined with hormone swings from menopause, may have contributed to her tragic decision, she said.
“Most people don’t talk about it because there is such a stigma attached to it,” Bass said.
But hearing honest first-person accounts of these tragedies from real people is the most effective way to combat suicide, Hirst said. She recalled hearing stories about suicide, but said they didn’t resonate with her before Connie’s death.
“To be honest, I didn’t relate that much,” she said.
In sharing her story, she said that Connie was clever about pushing the people away who might have helped her. Connie had so many people who loved her, but no one was communicating with her because she had isolated herself, she said.
“She was a capable, determined person and she got it in her mind that she wanted to do it,” Hirst said, holding back tears. “I didn’t know that determined people have the highest (suicide) success rate.”
Chreston added that she’d like to see the money raised at the walk go to setting up more anonymous suicide hotlines. This would give people suffering from depression a chance to talk about it without feeling like they are burdening the ones they love, she said.
“In life there will always be hurdles to jump … it doesn’t make you a bad person if you get really dark,” Bass said.
The idea behind holding the event between sundown and sunup is a symbol of the effort to bring a difficult issue out of the dark, Tene said.
“We want to shed some light on this subject, and symbolically the sun will be rising,” he said, adding that people suffering from depression often describe the way they feel as being overcome by darkness.
Organizers are expecting about 1,500 walkers to participate and require that each person raise a minimum of $1,000. Tene said the walk is being held in San Francisco this year because of the high turnout of California residents at last year’s suicide prevention walk. The American Foundation of Suicide Prevention is also working to improve the West Coast chapter of its nonprofit group.
In training for the walk, Hirst said the exercise has helped her find time to talk and think, and has helped her grieving process. She said organizers discourage using iPods and other music devices during the walk, so she has been practicing walking without distraction. It helps her clear her head, she said.
“Preparing for the walk is therapeutic, it feels like we are doing something to deal with the pain,” she said.
There is a lot of guilt when someone you love chooses to commit suicide, Bass said. Talking and relating with other people who have been through the same hardships is an added bonus of the walk, she said.
“There is help. There is light at the end of this tunnel,” Tene said.
Both the opening and closing ceremonies will be held at Crissy Field at the Presidio. To find out more, go to www.theovernight.org or call (888) 333-2377.
