It seems the traditional high school date quaintly displayed in old movies – or WB dramas – is fading out, and is now only the clichéd desire of hopeless romantics. It rarely happens anymore that a guy asks a girl out on a date, picks her up in his car, brings her flowers, and then walks her to her door and kisses her goodnight when they return. Instead, a substantial portion of the teenage population has assumed the dating style (if you can call it that) of casual “hooking up.”
Relationships today typically become popular during middle school, when “going out” is not exactly going out. A boy “asks a girl out” simply so he can call her his girlfriend. After they establish their boyfriend/girlfriend titles, the couple might go to the movies (dropped off by their parents, as they are still too young to drive) once or twice during their time as a couple. Aside from the few times they hang out, the relationship is vacuous, and somewhat nonexistent.
Once high school starts and the years of silly junior high romances are left behind, relations between the opposite sexes seem to split into different spheres. There are those who are single, whose first and only fairytale date happens if and when they go to prom – which itself is an attempt to recreate the traditional way of courting that pretty much no longer exists. There are also some couples, who make themselves known with their public displays of affection – an issue I’ll save for a later date. But my primary perception, and that of many of my peers, is that more commonly, people fall into neither category. I find a significant number of teens’ love lives are characterized by casual sex and serial “hook-ups.”
“Although some people do have real relationships, hooking up or dating around is more common,” said Monte Vista High School senior Kate Mogannam.
So why is this happening? Two generations ago, high school sweethearts became husband and wife, and now only remnants of serious high school dating remain.
To begin with, new driving laws prohibit driving with passengers younger than 20 until the driver has had his or her license for a year; this in itself throws a wrench into the whole traditional date plan. Second, and more significantly, it seems fewer people are willing to commit to a relationship, because with a boyfriend or girlfriend comes pressure, jealousy and the obligation to spend time and money on gifts, phone calls and extravagant dates. Serious relationships have turned into casual kissing or having sex in an uncommitted context, and revolve less around emotions.
“I have noticed high school is a place for kids to hook up. There are couples at my school, but they never last very long,” said Moniza Masud, a junior at Monte Vista High School.” Lust has a lot to do with today’s relationships. Kids don’t have emotional attachment but are rather just physically attracted to their significant other.”
Some teens have resorted to a more convenient way to reap the physical benefits of a relationship, without feeling the burden of commitment: “friends with benefits,” which entails two people casually fulfilling each other’s physical needs (oftentimes sex), free of emotional attachment or commitment. There are no expectations or formal goals and either partner is free to flirt, or even go out with another person while involved.
“I often ask myself why it is so hard for people to sincerely say ‘I love you’ but so easy for them to have sex. ‘Friends with benefits’ relationships deny emotions and intimacy and are based purely off of physical pleasure,” said Bryan Cox, a junior at San Ramon Valley High. “But for me, dating is more – an important way to find out what type of girls I am and am not interested in – things I might now know from being simply in a friendship.”
For Lani Amack, also a junior at SRVHS, “Relationships are supposed to be a fun way to talk to and spend time with the opposite sex, in a different way than just being friends. Conversations are more intimate and deep.”
By no means are all teenage interactions between the opposite sexes for the worse. High school is supposed to be a time for figuring things out like personal preferences and plans for the future, and the experience gained from dating, relating to, and bonding with the opposite sex can certainly help. But, for the actual committed couples that do exist, the expectation of sex is a tantalizing and looming issue. It seems a hormonal teenage couple can only go so long before there is pressure to escalate to a physical level. Once sex enters the picture, communication tends to shut down between the couple and true intimacy is lost.
It is hard to tell what trends the future will bring to the high school dating scene. But for now, it is important teens know themselves and what they want for their future, before making decisions they could come to regret.
The 411 offers information and insight on the teen scene by Katharine O’Hara, a junior at San Ramon Valley High School who spends her free time going to concerts, enjoying her friends, and playing the piano.
